Self-Care Counseling Belongs With Financial Counseling

19 Jun 2012 Leave a Comment

by abortionfairy in Uncategorized

It is appalling the lenghts anyone has to go through to get quality medical care in thw United States if they are un- or under-insured.

This is most especially true if you are a woman, where you can expect to pay as much as 30% more for insurance just for checking the ‘female’ box. Women are less likely to be insured, and more likely to need an abortion then men.

So women are forced to make difficult calls to family and friends, asking for many. Many women just say it is for an unexpected bill, rather than share their personal information regarding their abortion. These calls are difficult. Often their family and friends are also economically disadvantaged, too. If the friend or family member knows what is going on, and is not supportive, the woman may receive a lecture instead of help.

Women have to gp through the few belongings they might have to figure out if there is anything they could pawn or sell. Often they sell valuable jewelry with significant sentimental value. Or they sell a laptop they were using for online classes, hoping it would lead to a job, or that they were using to look for a job. They might sell a television, which was the only source of entertainment their children had.

These decisions take a great toll on the women, who are already stressed out about feeding their family, getting by, and are heavily shamed for their decision.

There are several unique stressors that are impacting the womans mental health. 1. The societal shame the woman is told she should experience due to her decision. 2. The stress of having to get an extraordinary amount of money together in a short amount of time. 3. The fear of judgement, or  actual judgement. 4. The fear of others finding out. In addition to 5. The stress of her everyday life. If the woman is facing a pregnancy due to rape, incest, or abuse, her stress increases.

This is a time when a woman should be supported, above all else. This is where abortion funds can help out.

I always refer a patient to Exhale, and to Faith Aloud if she indicates she is a person of faith. But often women wait until after the abortion is over to address their stress.

A funding call can be extremely stressful for the woman. She is being asked to have uncomfortable conversations about money with family and friends. She is being asked to part with what few valuables she may have. She is being asked to do odd jobs, ask for an advance on her pay, and other wise go to great lengths to get as much money as she can. And she is being told to do this by someone who is on her side.

We need to incorporate first-responder counseling on self-love and self-care while on the phone with these women.

This can include just listening to them, affirming their feelings and validating their stress.

This can include giving them tools to help deal with this stress. Some tools I commonly suggest are going on walks while listening to uplifting music, reading a happy book, making a list of all the things she loves about herself, and ensuring she is getting enough sleep and food.

I often establish some sort of plan with the caller. Here are the things I often suggest are in that plan:

1.) Creating a schedule for coming up with funds that includes pre-planned breaks (ex: 10am-11pm Call Family Members, 11:00AM-11:30 take a hot bath to relax. 11:30-1:00 pm – search for things that can be sold or pawned). Also, the schedule should include meals, and at least 8 hours of sleep.

2.) Write letters to herself, her friends and family, and to the fetus if she chooses (I’ve heard callers refer to the fetus as their “spirit baby” or “water baby” and it helps them to write a letter directly to it if they feel they need forgiveness). Write a letter explaining why they are doing what they are doing, how they feel about it, and their thoughts and feelings about it. Because of the stigma that anti-choice forces on abortion, many women feel like they should be ashamed, but aren’t ashamed, and then feel guilty because they aren’t ashamed. These women often write letters reflecting this lack of shame, and reflect on that.

3.) Find time to do some exercises or stretches. Exercising and stretching releases happy chemicals, and that can make you think clearer. Going for a brisk walk, a jog, or doing some simple stretches in the living room, or in a park, can release tension.

4.) Talk with a friend or family member who is 100% supportive. If there are no friends or family members the caller feels comfortable confiding in, make sure the caller has the numbers for Faith Aloud, Connect & Breathe, Exhale, Backline, and other talk lines specific to their situation (ex: RAINN). NAMI talkline is a good one, too, to refer them to for general mental wellbeing.

 

Share your tips in the comments!

The Trap

09 Jun 2012 Leave a Comment

by abortionfairy in Uncategorized Tags: , ,

Many women choose to have an abortion because they realize they do not have the time, resources, or support to raise a child at the time. They are women who know what is available, and often have a deep respect for parenthood, and make the informed decision that they don’t have the capacity at the time to be a parent.

No amount of free diapers will change that. And as for adoption, for some women is is not an option, it is something they know they would regret. Women do regret placing a child for adoption. (That doesn’t mean there aren’t some awesome adoption people out there, looking at you Adoption Access Network.)

So, society has set a trap for these women.

Low-income women know they cannot afford a child. But they also cannot afford an abortion. Women who cannot come up with the money in time for an abortion end up having the child they cannot support, and many of them do not place for adoption. They lose their job, even though there are laws prohibiting the firing of an employee based on pregnancy, if she lives in an at-will state, they can find any other reason under the sun. Suddenly, she is without the small income she had, and she is unable to afford prenatal care, or labor and delivery. She is unable to afford nutritional food required for a healthy pregnancy. She gives birth to an underweight baby, and suddenly finds her every decision criticized.

If she managed to keep her job, she now has to weigh the cost of child care against how much money she will be making at work. If she wasn’t able to keep her job, she now has to try to find one while taking care of a child.  Other mothers will criticize her if she goes back to work, which she must do in order to feed her child, telling her she is being a bad mother. If she doesn’t go back to work, she is called a “welfare queen” and is blamed for the bad economy. She can’t win either way. No matter what, society will scorn her, rather than help her.

People will question her ability to be responsible, attempt to pry into her sex life, and often tell her she just shouldn’t have one. They will either pity the child (but do nothing to help him/her), or watch it with a leery eye, already assuming it will grow up to be a criminal.

Many times, the same protesters you see outside the clinics passing out pamphlet with the phone numbers of places that can “help” are the same people you see wanting to take away free and reduced lunch programs, the same people you see protesting against any sort of government program that might help this woman and her child. Inside crisis pregnancy centers, “counselors” tell these young women that they can get on medicaid, that they can get WIC, that they can get housing assistance and that these programs will help her and her future child. Then they go to the polls on election day and vote for politicians who promise to get rid of these very same programs.

I am totally cool with providing material support to women who choose to give birth, despite economic barriers. No woman who wants a child should be told she shouldn’t have one because of her economic circumstances. No woman should feel pressured to have an abortion because she is afraid society will mock and scorn her for her desire to be a mother, despite being single, low-income, or a woman of color. But crisis pregnancy centers offer the material support as a way of coercion, and as a way of stripping that woman of her right to choose.

So this is the trap society sets for the women who find themselves pregnant and impoverished. In order to over come this trap we must not just work for abortion access, but for birth justice, economic justice, racial justice, and for broader access to education.

Women Are Their Own Saviors.

09 Jun 2012 1 Comment

by abortionfairy in Uncategorized Tags: ,

I am one of many young feminists (we exist!) who cares deeply about women’s right to choose. Much of my time is devoted to answering phone calls from low-income women looking for honest, accurate, non-judgemental information about abortion care, information about the nearest clinic, and, the most pressing question, how to pay for it.

The Hyde Amendment restricts funding at the federal level for abortion. This means that anyone employed by the federal government does not have abortion covered on their insurance. This means that any woman in the military does not have access to abortion in her military insurance while on active duty, nor through veterans affairs after she comes back. This means that women who rely on the Indian Health Services are not able to have their abortion covered. This means that women who rely on medicaid will probably not have access to abortion (a few select states allow for elective abortions to be covered with state dollars, as medicaid is a federal-state program.) Aside from the Hyde Amendment, many private insurances also do not cover abortion.

So, that is where myself and many, many other women, organizations, networks, and generous individuals come into play. Abortion funds exist to help these women. A woman’s access to abortion should never rely solely on her ability to pay; the freedom to choose is meaningless if only the rich and wealthy have access to the full range of reproductive services.

I answer the phones all day. Most calls are 10 to 15 minutes. The first two are spent getting basic details (“Have you talked to a clinic? Made an appointment? How far along are you?), and then the rest is spent brainstorming how she might get money together, and finally, letting her know how much the organization can help her with.

No fund can ever cover the entire cost. And most women will still have to get the money together to drive to the clinic (most women travel 2 or more hours), find child care (60% of women getting an abortion already have at least one child), take the hit in their paycheck for the two days of work they will be missing (as many states now require 24 – 72 hours between the ultrasound, and the abortion, meaning two trips, or a hotel stay), and other expenses incurred from incidentals.

Each call requires that I pry some into the woman’s life, and sometimes that is uncomfortable for both myself and the woman. I have to ask some really personal questions, the answers to which not every woman wants to share. Some women are angry that the process is so difficult, that they have to take two trips, that they have to listen to medically inaccurate propaganda mandated by the state (hey, South Dakota). Having to share their story, again, on the phone, to an abortion fund is just one more time they have to share personal information.

By the end of the call, though, when she knows that the women at the organization are on her side, that we are helping her, and that she will be getting the abortion she needs, the anger is often replaced by relief. I often get told that I am a guardian angel, or a god-send, a life-saver, or that I am doing god’s work. The women that I work with, however, are the actual hero’s, and it’s a privilege to have talked to them. They are their own hero’s, they are the ones doing the brunt of the work, while dealing with everything else going on in their life. They are the ones collecting the money for the majority of the cost, and making all the arrangements mentioned above, while dealing with other on-going personal problems.  The monetary assistance empowers them to be able to make the decision they know is right for them. But they are the ones who empower themselves, and save themselves.

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